Friday, September 14, 2007

One of my favorite things about working in an academic lab is that we're all buddies, we're all in the same stage of life, even when someone is older, is married and/or has children. It's still school and everyone sees it that way.

Of course, this also makes for really awkward moments, including a labmate asking me if I wanted to go pick up women with him. He's very much "you're a lesbian? That's so cool." It is cool, but don't be gross about it.

I assured him that the women I'm attracted to are likely very different from the women he's attracted to.

I've also been in situations where I told someone that I thought a woman was attractive and the person I was with insisted that I needed to hit on her. I, personally, see a huge difference between finding someone attractive and actually being attracted to her. I can appreciate it when there is a good-looking person, of any gender, standing in front of me. It doesn't mean that I'm attracted to them.

When I see someone I'm attracted to, I can feel a deep pull in my navel and my mouth goes cotton dry. I am not slick when I'm attracted to someone -- I feel like a bit of a bumbling idiot. I did not want my labmate to see that part of me. Even though we're buddies, I still see a line of professionalism that I don't think many do. I am friends with a few of the people in the department, but not everyone needs to see that very real, raw part of me.

Friday, September 7, 2007

Blush and flee, good move.

At a recent folk concert at the awesome folk venue in my BTCT, the opening singer was one of the hottest women I have seen in a long time.

Faded blue jeans, slung low on her hips, leather belt, white, patterned button-down, messy hair. I was too far back to see her shoes, but I'm sure they were equally as hot.

During the concert, my roommate, Anne Shirley, leaned over and asked me if the musician's voice reminded me of anyone because she couldn't place it. I realized that I hadn't been listening to her music because I had been wondering if she was packing the entire first song. There is something about those jeans that make a woman look like she's packing, even if she isn't.

After her set, I couldn't miss a chance to flirt and get a CD. I love to flirt. I flirt with everyone. It's gotten me in trouble a few times, but I don't even realize it until I have someone I wasn't interested in trying to get in contact with me. The problem is that I can't flirt with people I'm actually attracted to; I get way too nervous and just want to ask if they want to get naked with me. Luckily, I'm not that shameless.

I saw her talking to a group of 3 guys and I cut in, which probably made me look like an asshole, but I use the excuse that I am cute and small, so I can get away with a lot more than other people can, though I'm probably delusional. I asked her what CD the second to last song was on because I especially enjoyed that one.

I wait for her in line, after one of my other friends had chatted with her. She was proud of herself for not fleeing because the singer was so hot. As we were talking, I see the singer look over a few times. I step up and really awkwardly shove one of her CDs in her hand, saying it was for a friend and then hand her mine. I am struck with an unbelievable shyness and feel like fleeing. I almost do after she signed my CD, but I force myself to tell her that I really enjoyed her set, probably being a bit too translucent as I'm starting to blush by this time.

Then, she winked at me.

I turned even deeper red and turned on my heel and fled. Luckily, I was wearing a shirt with a rather suggestive song lyric on the back. That's the only thing that made up for my brilliant moves.

As we walked home, I saw the most fabulous ass, period, attached to a butch body and almost tripped over the stone sidewalk

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Why my advisor is rad-awesome.

I didn't mean to leave this thing with one pithy post, but I just moved and classes started and I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed and under-slept.

Talk of my new place and classes will have to be saved for later because my advisor exhibited just how awesome he is.

During group meeting, we were talking about one of the instrument gurus and I mentioned how I had seen him at The Ditty Bops concert the other week. My advisor lamented the fact that he had missed them. My advisor loves The Ditty Bops. Granted, I know nothing of this musical tastes, but I was absolutely shocked.

They wore carrot and artichoke dresses. When I told him that, he wasn't phased. He said that he thought they always struck him as being very talented and very weird.

Very weird, indeed.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Oh, hello there.

This is the story of one woman living in a Big Ten College Town (BTCT), is a second year in graduate school in a physical science. She is, also, one of the few queer women in the department. She tries to keep track of all of the gays in the department, but she may be somewhat unsuccessful.

I also like to talk about myself in third person. I'm sorry. I'll try not to do that anymore.

I've started and stopped many blogs in the past few years. I year ago, I really wanted to start writing a science blog, but then I realized that I don't want to think about science more than I absolutely have to. I'm now remembering my other passion: gender and sexuality and sex. I could write about those things for hours.

I recently came out as a femme lesbian. The lesbian part is old, the femme part is new -- only a few months old, but I've been struggling with my gender identity for a long time and it fits. This is not the post for me to go on and on about it, but I will, I'm sure of it.

It's been a long, long time since I've exercised my gender studies muscles, but they used to be huge. I was that girl in your classes, the one who always talked and stayed after and was critical of everything you said. I can't help it, it's how I'm wired, I have to be critical of everything.

I'm also using this blog as a writing project. A lot of my writing comes out dry -- I did news & opinion writing for my high school newspaper and I can't seem to shake that style of writing. A semi-anonymous blog about gender and sexuality should help me expand.